Oh Finals! My Finals! (A Poem)

Feb 01, 2023

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Here's a poem I wrote in college when I should have been studying for finals (sometime between 1994-1995). It's a parody of Walt Whitman's "O Captain! My Captain!" and also well known from the movie The Dead Poets Society with Robin Williams. The surprising part is that I just realized my poem was written before I was inspired by The Dead Poets Society. If I had to guess, I would have said the movie inspired my poem.


Oh Finals! My Finals! Our tiresome studying's done,
The body's been up for days on end, the pots of coffee are gone.
The grades are near, I truly fear, that mom and dad will ignite,
A semester is gone and so am I, I dance in joy's delight:

But O Prof! Prof! Prof!
O you wicked foreign fiend,
    Please mark upon that wonderous curve
        The class so hard is seemed.

O Finals! My Finals! I worked so hard for you.
I pray you give me in return, a grade above a two.
I dread the trips to posted walls, where a mass is gathered in view.
Well, Damn the headaches and damn the fear, I'd rather have a brew:

Yes O beer! beer! beer!
Rescue me from my woes,
    Please take away these troubles
        And put me in a doze.

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